Corrupted feelings? Well sitting here, listening to these “lies” jabs me. Am I doing this out of “revenge?” Actions from being a hankerer or green? I’m afraid of that. What if this whole time I act this way to put on a show? What if we were all doing it to project a happier person? I AM happy though… I just have that inkling that I’m not the only one. Subconsciously, I have a bad feel about this.. Are things really true?
Sometimes, just sometimes, I like being on the phone when there’s nothing to say. All you hear is the background noises, their breaths, the other person’s tv and music, etc. Just the thought of them on the line with you is comforting. It feels like they’re really there with you. Although it defeats the purpose of being on the phone, wasting minutes, and wasting battery life, it’s just.. Having them on the line makes things a little better.
So I found out that my aunt’s in the hospital today. Apparently, she was fixing a lightbulb and she fell. With the condition she already had, I think it made it worse.. She just got out of surgery I think. I’m not too sure on the details.. I wish I could see her in Hong Kong. I mean, as much as I’m not close with her and whatnot, I feel bad.. Hope to God not, but if something bad were to happen, I have that feeling of regret. That type of feeling where you feel like you didn’t spend enough time with them. That type of feeling where you didn’t know what you had ‘till it was gone. Agh. Well I hope she’s okay :T
I had a dream about you a few nights ago. It took place on October 2010. We were happy. We were the best of friends. We were at your house doing what we normally used to do. It felt real. I’m not saying I miss it. Or am I? Hmph. I blocked a lot of the past, so that dream overwhelmed me a little. When I woke up, I compared it to reality of them. It’s not the same. I don’t have that level of comfort like I used to have. It doesn’t feel like “home” to me. I finally do realize what they mean by the quote of that one always having a place there no matter what.
Don’t just half-ass everything all the time. Put some effort into things. Be proud of yourself in the end knowing that you gave it your all. Don’t complain about having bad grades, being broke, or lonely all the time if you’re not even doing anything about it. All these complaints can be fixed if you just give it your best shot and try.
I guess I have to be patient :T You’re a “baby” after all.. But what just happened killed it, you could say. I don’t like this.. I feel like we take one step forward and two steps back sometimes. Is this going anywhere? I have to be patient and understanding. At the same time, I’m not a patient person. I’m stubborn and I guess I’m asking for too much. Or am I? Sigh sigh sigh.
Stargazing on a blanket. Drinking warm holiday drinks from Starbucks. Eating s’mores made from a bonfire. Cuddling with that someone. Bundling up in scarves and boots. Listening to Michael Buble type of music. Just relaxing and embracing those good vibes.